Monday, August 25, 2008

Infidelity

Erin pointed this out as one of her favorite passages.

I regret Bet's exodus to the maid's room above all other regrets. My dalliance -- oh, a quaint word chosen by my stupid inner self to hide my sin -- with another, whose life I also altered for the worse, being the cause. I think it was the cause. More likely, the sudden view she got of me in the light of it. A smaller, nastier person than she had thought.

It stood out to me, too, because their relationship was so damn sad. It had the potential to be so amazingly happy and it was so amazingly sad.

What did you think of Bet? Did you sympathize with her or did you find her emotionally rigid?

Both Roseanne and the doctor had their lives ruined by "adultery" in some way: Roseanne because of a false accusation and the doctor because of an incident that bore more resemblance to an adolescent makeout session than to a full-blown affair or even to a one-night stand (They didn't even undress). It was really horrific how these things that were nothing or next to nothing in the scheme of things exploded these people's lives — all because of the screwed-up notions people have about sex and intimacy and the peculiar inability to forgive in this realm. Both of their spouses were effectively poisoned against them. Do you have any thoughts on how their experiences compared?
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3 comments:

Erin said...

Yes, it was desperately sad. I had mixed feelings about Bet, because I could sympathize in some ways with the betrayal that she felt, the shock and sudden discomfort with someone whom she had built her life around. But I also found her emotionally rigid (good term) at times, like when the doctor suggested they take a holiday. He was obviously making a gesture, reaching out to her when it wasn't easy for him. And she was content not to grab that opportunity, not to opt for happiness.

It's an interesting comparison between Dr. Grene and Roseanne. In both cases, nothing really happened. It was just the idea of impropriety.

4:19 PM, August 27, 2008
kc said...

Yeah, I was a bit perplexed by Bet. She seemed mired in a peculiar melancholy. I totally understand the disappointment in her husband's breach of trust, but could she really never get over it? Did she plan on separate bedrooms for the duration of the marriage? If that was the case, why not just end the marriage? (Oh wait, divorce was nearly impossible in Catholic Ireland!). In any event, why punish them both with indefinite loneliness and sorrow? It drove me crazy. Mend it or end it, lady.

It's like they had some kind of bond that was deeply cracked but was still intact enough to hold them together.

And he loved her so damn much and seemed ready to doing anything for her! It's hard for me to imagine being standoffish in the face of so much affection.

Then she had that sadness about not having kids. Did I imagine this, or did she refuse to adopt because she wanted her "own"? I just found that strange, but then again, it was a time when women were completely identified with being wives and mothers, and not having kids was looked on as shameful or as if something was wrong with your body (barren!), and if you didn't have a lot of mental toughness to begin with, I could see how "failing" in that expected role could weigh you down emotionally.

9:03 PM, August 27, 2008
Erin said...

Yes, I'm sure the social and political climate of the country had a big influence on their reactions to marital strife. It's hard to imagine living in that kind of climate. It's amazing how human beings fuck up life for one another.

10:17 AM, August 28, 2008

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