One of the admirable aspects of this series of essays is how much M.F.K Fisher is willing to share with her audience right off the bat -- and her loneliness and self-consciousness are vital parts to her first essay.
In the time period she spoke of in this chapter, the author seemed to be at a crossroads -- not wealthy, but successful enough with her writing that her fame also isolated her, at least from traditional social gatherings that involved food. She writes: "But, for the most part, to the lasting shame of my female vanity, they have shied away from any suggestion that we might dally, gastronomically speaking." And so her unsuspecting acquaintances send her home to a can of tomato soup and box of crackers.
So she wills herself to begin eating out alone with a complicated and self-conscious set of rules -- where she can eat, how to befriend the wait staff, how to head off misperceptions about her willingness for company or her ability to handle her liquor, to a point where she realizes her outings are more a test of self-endurance than an enjoyable treat.
Has this changed much today? Why is it difficult to go places alone, and is it tougher for women? I have experienced varying degrees of discomfort trying to go it alone, though it's lessened as I've become older.
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Hmmm. I think it's still less common for a woman to go out and do something by herself. And I think there's still a segment of the population that can't fathom eating out alone. I have to admit, when I'm alone, I'm not very likely to go into a restaurant and order food. I'd be more likely to get it to go, and most likely to just make myself something at home. For me, a sit-down restaurant experience is usually just as much about the company as the food.
You're right, the discomfort does lessen with maturity. If I really wanted to do something now, I probably wouldn't let the fact that I have no one to do it with keep me at home.
I'm also much more likely to eat at home or get take-out if I'm alone. Eating at a restaurant just isn't as enjoyable without someone to talk with. I do it sometimes, though, like when I'm out of town by myself. But I usually like to have a book with me.
My mom goes out by herself fairly regularly. She gets hungry for Chinese food or something, and if nobody is around, she goes alone. It doesn't seem to bother her.
I would be too embarrassed to dine alone. I would think that the wait staff would all be thinking, "What a loser! He can't even find anyone to eat with!"
I have occassionally eaten by myself in a fast food place. I often bring something to read when I do that.
Ben, I think I feel some variation of what you feel. It's very hard to eat alone. Funny how if I'm traveling alone, I don't mind -- in my head, I'm in a strange place and can't produce an instant friend. And yet people out of town wouldn't know that I wasn't from around there. So it could just be internal.
As my therapist once pointed out, I usually am not paying attention to people around me, and I should assume they aren't paying any more attention to me.
It would be a good homework assignment for us all to try eating someplace alone this month. (And a good excuse to eat out.)
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